I am back among the living, breathing (in a Darth Vader kind of way), sniffling (as if paid by the tissue) and walking upright (albeit swaying) in pajamas destined for the fireplace (my gift to humanity). Cold, flu, crud…whatever I endured over the last week, left me a more grateful man for the times I am well.
Though I tend to whine a wee bit when I’m sick (no surprise here), my nonjudgmental bulldogs Boz and Gracie accept any level of waling if given a comfy spot to take it all in, namely the sofa or my bed. This pair of bulldog Florence Nightingales sacrifices exercise and outings for napping and nurturing. They are givers, devoted to the infirmed, channeling their canine instincts into curative powers. Gracie focuses on healing from the foot of the bed, while Boz sidles up to any available flank or lap, using his 65 pounds of brawn to crush the cough right out of you.
As an active guy, I find being bedridden a curious and inconvenient form of torture. I pick up a book, but find reading and sneezing are a bad combination, at least for the recently read pages. I try to watch a little television (no cable here), but discover I don’t have the strength to endure its offerings, e.g. relentless Christmas commercials, Celtic Women and Celtic Thunder airings (please make it stop PBS, please), updates on Lindsay Lohan’s latest brawl, and talk show hosts sharing the hidden dangers of feeding dolphins by hand.
The good news is I’m better now and here to share the secrets of my recovery. Results may vary based on ailments.
- Borrow a bulldog or two to keep you company and convalesce with.
- Befriend kind souls who bring you chocolate cake when you’re under the weather.
- Listen to your mother and use Vick’s Vapor Rub.
- Try making your own cough medicine; recipe here.
- Phone friends and family regularly with status reports and to garner sympathy (though you may not remember conversations later).
- Keep hydrated and get plenty of sleep.
- Turn off your television.
- Purchase a sneeze guard for your books.
I guess it’s not rocket science, but these tips helped me outlast the viral aliens that took over my body for the last half week. While I’m not fully back to total Tom, I think one more followup nap and swig of cough syrup will do it.
Boz, Gracie…to the sofa!
Gracie: “How you feelin’?”